They have been a part of my not-interested-facts trunk so to speak until recently I heard about its unique abilities.  How could a small animal hold such big dignity? It reminds me of our Heroes, during the foreign revolutions that wounded most of us up to this day. Heroes like Rizal, Lapu-lapu, Leon Kilat and some who laid their lives for our freedom. When I walked the streets of Colon (the oldest street in the Philippines) I would always wonder what could have been the scenes during the Spanish colonial. There are natives who would wipe the white man’s ass to get through the day, but there are others in the secret of their homes and the darkest part of the mountains training themselves to be strong in a revolution against tyranny.

I’ve always wondered if exceptional Animals assigned to each country reflect such people. If so, Tarsiers do reflects the Brown race. I mean, they’re small and brown. Aren’t we small in stature (though not all of us) and brown in feature? Although we don’t look funny like them but we sure do inherent their pride and dignity as wild animals not willing to be capture as a pet. Or do we?

You could walk to any establishments today, and it’s sad that most of our kababayans are willing to assist Foreigners than their fellow Filipinos. We’re not ass kissers, in fact only a handful of natives back then do that and the rest of the million populations would rather be imprisoned than bow down to the colonizers. (The Other Philippine History book)

So what happened to us? Because we’ve been enslaved so many times beyond our human imagination, we became a wounded race with a damaged culture. We’ve been so colonized that we have this colonial mentality we can’t learn to unlearn. We appreciated more western things than our local products, which in fact is way more creative given the indigenous materials we got. We study Greek dramas and mythology when In fact we own one of the longest epic in the world, way older than Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey…the HINILAWOD (tales from the mouth of Halawod river). You can research it in Wikipedia and it says it has only 8,000 lines or so while in truth it has 28,000 lines and some has not been transcript to English language. (Don’t worry; I’m on my game to re-edit what wiki said given the time and when I’m done reading Hinilawod). We boast of rivers and caves of gold that the Spaniard named Legazpi wrote back to Spain…

“…they do not even try to become wealthy, nor do they care to accumulate riches. When a chief possesses one or two pairs of earrings of very fine gold, two bracelets, and a chain, he will not trouble himself to look for any more gold……from this it is clearly evident how slothful these people are..”

Slothful?! I beg to disagree. Don’t you think we’re just contented with what we’ve got and protect Nature? Isn’t it greed that’s the number one problem of the world today? The pre-colonial natives do not exploit the resources because they have enough of what they needed and do not tolerate the idea of “want”.

It seems like we get most of our attitudes today from our Colonial invaders. Get rich, mine the resources and let the next generation worry where to get their own. We shamed the dignity and discipline our ancestors held. I bet they’re crying out loud looking down at us. What a pity.

I need not say more. I think you know what I mean. Do we die with a dignity of a Tarsier or do we live a coward in a foreigner’s mercy in our own land? I guess the question is…where do we go from here?

The last entry I got here was when I finally was hired. Four months ago my suffering wouldn’t have mattered. It’s funny how fate can twist our lives into parodies of what we dreamt. I thought I found my shelf if I consider myself a book. Not all was icing on cake, there were drudgery work but I dare not complain. I love what I did, and when you’re in love you shut up and do the work.

Until my company starts lossing money and stops paying salaries for two months now. And I stopped going to work. It is sufficient, to our present purpose to survive in such a modern world. And It’s painful to linger to promises you don’t have faith in. There was once a time the four walls consist of people, and it screams with memories and morning greetings.

Staying with them is making the senses final, and I’m making myself a god of sots and cowards, and is the subject of all comedy. What do you think must I do? Everybody’s searching for the greener pasture, and I’m hanging on to a lossing rope. It takes the laws of the world, whereby man’s being is conditioned. Bills has to be paid, I need to feed myself and put gas on my tank.

How long should I wait before I decide to jump on the next thing? I like this company, but security has to scream at the top of this all. The world is filled with the proverbs and acts and winkings of a patient man. Is it really an employee’s fault that a company has lost some credibility? Or should we writhe the neck of the boss so it seems to appear his fault?

It looks like I have to say hello to an old friend….Newspapers and Job’s add.

Till my next career.

I don’t know why I’m so excited (after trading my relaxing life of freelance for a cut throat society) maybe i wanted to have something to focused on to besides my own life. I want a distraction from last year’s occurence. And having something normal to do would help me get through days of nothingness.

Did I mentioned how picky I am with jobs? But this offer stands out in the crowd.

I’m pretty excited and at the same time a feeling of what-the-heck-am-i-gonna-do-tomorrow??!!! I kept remembering what i did on my first day with my first job…well, I was hired together with a friend and we kinda held on to each other. But right now…I’m flying solo. And I hope i’m ready to defy gravity.

We’ll see how far I’ll go…see you tomorrow.

Mark Twain could be tapping in his grave by now because of this movie. The character’s names were crafty drafted from his two famous books. Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. 

Let’ dissect: Lead Characters….

Summer Finn – Huckleberry Finn

Tom Sawyer – Tom Hansen

I always thought those names look familiar LOL.

But it appears like Huck is the famous between the two…

Well…not so smart mr. Michael  Weber!

…and Scott Neustadter…good luck with the pronunciation

Lonely people are always up in the middle of the night?…That’s rubbish! Seriously, I mean…ok maybe I am a *little* lonely and it *is* past midnight but…well ok so i never realized it until I picked a book from a romance author  and i should have never bought that coz it reminds me of things i don’t have. I know it’s a Ha-Ha we all go through that scenario. Well I guess it’s been a long time. And then there are cold nights right? Mind you I’m on the brink of forgetting how those things feel like in real life. Truth is these are the moments I want to buy myself a dog.

Damn those romance authors.

Damn that novel.

Don’t get me wrong. It was good.

Anyway, I don’t think I shared it here about Vin. It was two years ago and i had a huge crush with a person I occasionally met at a 6 month program I used to attend. We never had been formally introduced but we exchanged glances and we kinda get ourselves familiarize. I named him Vin Diesel, coz he does look like the Hollywood star. And you know, to keep him from knowing that he was the subject of my conversation to my friends.

You can actually tell if a person likes you right? Well I can. And it was obvious that he did. And who wouldn’t hate a guy who doesn’t make the first move? And the program finished without a hit-and-run conversation from him. So you know, I was in my late teens that time and you get emotional and crawl up to your bed and ask yourself “IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?” but obviously there wasn’t, and I eventually got over it.

I met him back last week, still wearing that Vin Diesel look and aura. I did have a giddy feeling but i ain’t that stupid before. Funny thing is, when you gave up on everything that’s the part when they started working out. The night didn’t end without him talking to me. We talked for like half an hour and he asked if he could have my FB account. Yeah, i know…network flirting.

So, what do you think?

I lost that loving feeling. There’s no looking forward thoughts…took me about a week to add him coz I don’t want him picking into my personal life. I didn’t imagine this to happen when I used to like him. Took me two months to convince myself…took him two years to actually talk to me! What a crappy move.

You’re late man, I’ve already moved on from a teenager’s crush.  

Take that, Vin Diesel.

Being the nerd of the research I am, I asked Google for some popular Alice in wonderland quotes. They say it must have sounded mundane at first, howbeit quizzical words may have become i think it stored up one of life’s great philosophies. But a few lines in particular strike me as blissful truths that I long for in life:

March Hare: See all the trouble you started?
Alice: But I didn’t think…
March Hare: Ah, that’s just it. If you don’t think, then you shouldn’t talk.

White Rabbit: [singing] I’m late / I’m late / For a very important date. / No time to say “Hello.” / Goodbye. / I’m late, I’m late, I’m late.

Ah, of course who would have forgotten the White Rabbit…he made me laugh every time. Reminds me of myself if I’m stuck in rush hour of a rabbit’s hole of madness in the modern world. Perchance we all are like him. We hurry to serve the Queen of hearts then off with our heads!

You don’t have the heart to hurt me
It’s the last thing you want to do
But you don’t have the heart to love me
Not the way I want you to

                                                                                          CALLED TO RISE

    We never know how high we are
    Till we are asked to rise
    And then if we are true to plan
    Our statures touch the skies –

    The Heroism we recite
    Would be a normal thing
    Did not ourselves the Cubits warp
    For fear to be a King –

    Emily Dickinson

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

It’s been a month since the occurrence and i still feel heavy with tremors of disillusioned. I guess I’m not that mad at them now, I’m just a little disappointed she could have trusted me than those conniving snakes. I’m her child for the love of God…

The wound still bleeds, but time heals everything right?

So here I am, alone again and starting to pick up the pieces of my shattered life – unemployed and without a family to go home to. More likely, i don’t have anything to call home anymore.

I’ve been sending resumes for three weeks now. Determine to start anew; don’t get me wrong coz I’m dying to leave this city. It reminds me of everything i don’t have any longer.

So I got a call from an agent, representing an employer from Doha, Qatar. Will fly to the Capital next week for an interview, so this is it. Me and my suitcase together again. And that passport will transport me between lives.

I’ve learned that when you’ve been pushed with pain you’re willing to go the lengths of the unknown. Even before I accepted the interview, I research what’s life in there. I’ve known it’s not so bad, I’ll survive.

I will not deny there are times I just sit down and drown myself in self pity. But I give myself a pat once in awhile and just think that I’m not the only one in this entire globe alone too and still seeking for a place called home…or is there?